Romans 7:15
Recently there have so many things I want to do, but haven't had the courage to. I thought graduating college and living 'on my own' would give me the strength to grow up and embrace responsibility, but I do what I don't want, I think what I don't want to think, and there's a constant tug of what needs to be done. But still I avoid it even when I know it will bring me peace. More work, yes, but simultaneous peace. People. People scare me I think. Their expectations, their lack of expectations, disappointing by doing, disappointing by not doing. It's hard, and I'm learning. Or maybe I'm a scaredy cat by nature. The couple I'm renting from has a cat named Nana and while I don't like her, I can't help but relate. Occasionally she'll let me pet her, even bump my leg, but this past week she has been hissing at me every time she sees me, snarling her fangs, her back arched high. Maybe she hates me, or maybe she's just scared. A scared cat. harhar.
I have also been thinking about joy and how I am both so easily satisfied while being insatiated at the same time. I was in line at ShopRite at a busy hour, and there was a woman standing in line with her son and all they had to buy was a ShopRite toy truck that the store was selling for $20 (or excuse me, $19.99 haha). That's it. Did they really come just for that? I thought dumbfoundedly but with some admiration. To bypass a whole grocery store of items for that truck. That boy knew what he wanted, and nothing else. I want that to be true for my faith. Give me Jesus and nothing else, and let that be enough.
