hazy

when i come home i retreat, but not really in a good way. the things that are important kind of dim, and lesser things take their place. things like entertainment, books, nothingness, and soon i forget about what i need to do. it's like things are out of focus, hazy. it's so annoying, it really is, but somehow a part of me delights in It. It is this pretend place where work and studying can be put off in exchange for watching a tv show without it creeping up on me to bite me in the butt. but this pretend place also makes me sad. i feel like i'm looking at the world, admiring it thorough a pair of lenses, but not really being a participant in it. is this normal?

why are all my posts so sad sounding? do people enjoy reading this emo stuff? i think i'm just trying to figure it all out. who i'm supposed to be and where i am now verses where i will be. where will i be? i have no idea, and that's what scares me. it really does sometimes. do i have what it takes to be successful? and who and what measures success?

it feels hazy.
i feel hazy.
feel hazy.
hazy.

almost like i'm not really an outline, but rather a scribble of pencil marks, no defined line. so even if i tried to grab ahold of myself, i wouldn't know which scribble is really me. i think i'm just in a funk. don't worry i'll snap out of it.