untitled because i can't think of a good title

i looked through my last couple post and i've realized i'm pretty doom and gloom. haha i don't mean to be, honestly, but maybe i tend towards the pessimism more than the optimism, though on the outside i seem like a pretty cheerful person. it's encouraging to know that even when i'm grouchy, when i'm jealous, when i'm spiteful...God is still working in me and in the lives around me. it doesn't matter what circumstance i'm in or how good or bad i'm feeling...God is, and i love that.

brandon heath's song "give me your eyes" has been replaying in my head over and over again so maybe writing about it will help it stop. but then again..maybe it's good that it's constantly in my head because it serves as a reminder.

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Chorus
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Yeah
Yeah

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all along

this song is such a reminder that we can see so many people throughout the day, but not really SEE them. not really look to see that they're hurting. and if you can't see that someone is hurting, you can't even begin to meet their need. and how often have we pretended that everything is okay when it's really not? how many people have we fooled? sometimes it's so hard to be vulnerable and raw and real.

on my xanga xanga.com/momentzzz a long time ago i once blogged about how it made me feel so sad to see some people in the hallways looking down at the ground while walking, not meeting the eyes of people, as if they were ashamed. afraid to look into another person's face and see themselves through that person's eyes and not like what they see. looking back i realize i wrote that post with the attitude that i was not one of these people. but the truth was, i was, i have been..and sometimes i will be. because the fear of man still grips me and i'm afraid of what people will think and don't really want to know. because a lot of the times i don't like what i see in myself. because though i'm being regenerated, i still trip up. and i still gotta admit to God that i was wrong. and during those times it's so hard to face God and confess. i think it's pride or just...shame. it's like telling your parents that you did something that disappointed them. it's so hard. but the Bible says "he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6)" i'm so glad it's not up to me, because if it were...i'd be a goner.