We are all dying, but she is nearing the end. She sleeps all day and eats very little, and when she is not awake, can barely muster up the energy to open her eyes. They are shut, no longer taking the world in, and the world can only nudge her to keep living, but no more. You see, the world cannot open her eyelids, make her laugh, put the spark of recognition in her eyes. Only God can. and now her eyes are dull, her shoulders droop, her head peaking out of a weary body that no longer recognizes itself. i remember two visits ago. i hadn't seen her in one or two years, and she could no longer recognize my face or say my name. i think she knew that i was family..knew that she had loved me, still did, if only she could remember why or how. she didn't remember anyone's name anymore, accept for instances of clarity where her eyes lit up and she said your name, making you laugh in relief and joy and gratitude at the sound of those syllables. but after that visit we knew not to ask any more. she simply...didn't know. we were at a family friends' house eating dinner and my aunt asked her who i was. she paused and looked blankly up, and said the only name she could remember, Eileen, her most beloved granddaughter and my favorite cousin. but eileen was not tiffany, and the tears welled up in my eyes and i couldn't stay in the room. Ecclesiastes is pressing on my heart right now.
Ecclesiastes 12
"Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-
before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;
when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;
when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when men rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;
when men are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags himself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then man goes to his eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.
Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,
and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it."
This passage is telling us in our youth to remember God our creator before we grow too old to remember or be able to acknowledge Him. "Before the sun and the light and the moon and stars are not darkened" is before we lose our sight. before "the keeper of the house trembles" and we lose our teeth. before the "sound of grinding is low" and we can no longer chew our food. before "men rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint" and our hearing fades. before "the almond tree blossoms" with it's white flowers, and our hair turns white as age creeps up behind us. before all this comes to pass, remember Christ.
i'm going to go visit my grandma before or after Urbana through a connecting flight. my parents told me to prepare for it to be the last because she's going. my beautiful grandmother. i'm so thankful though that she accepted Christ as an adult and followed Him. so thankful that before she lost consciousness of time and thoughts and faces, God knew her and she Him. and even though i'm sad that her time to leave this earth is drawing close, i know that she will enter into something more beautiful and perfect than we could ever imagine. Christ is now as we speak preparing a home for her in heaven. soon she will be able to live again.
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