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I'm on a solid media fast for the next month. The only things I'm keeping are my blog and Top Chef and a youtube video here and there. Good-bye to facebook, twitter, Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, The Office, random rewatches of Alias and other chick flicks, movies, and novels. This is a huge deal because I have relied on television and novels to the point where I don't rely on God. When I'm feeling sad, I read a book or watch a movie. Tired? Movie. Frustrated? Book. Bored? Tv show. Want excitement/adventure/romance/mystery? Book. Not only has it become an idol, but I think that media has been putting these messages in my head that sin is okay. In fact, sin is better then okay, it's grrreat. A lot of the tv shows and books I read glamorize and romanticize lying, adultery, premarital sex, cursing, etc etc. without showing the serious, long lasting consequences that sin has on the individual as well as everyone around you. And a part of me has come to believe it. I find myself more immersed in the ways of the world and less immersed in Christ. A problem? Yes, I think so. It has only been a day and a half and I'm already facing withdrawal symptoms. I'm not even kidding. I had a whole long sequence of strange, disturbing dreams that I would be ashamed to tell anyone about. I have been cranky and downcast all day for no apparent reason, snapping at my parents and feeling sorry for myself. I find myself going in to type "facebook.com" but stop myself just in time. I feel disconnected from the world--like the world is moving on without me and I'm stuck in some kind of limbo. It comes to show that when you try to refocus and really put God first, Satan is right there to try to counteract it, and works in small ways to try to distract you. But he will not win! No he won't.

When I deactivated my facebook a day ago, a handful of profile photos of friends popped up, and above each photo it said "_______ will miss you." And I said, "hah," yeah right! You miss someone when you really value someones friendship, and of the 700+ friends I have on fbook, I'm only good friends with a small percentage of that. Maybe they'll miss me. But if they do, they'll shoot me an email or call me up or ohmygoodness! come hang out with me. I thought that this distant feeling from God was because I don't love God enough. This is true, and I think will always be true, but the seed of the problem is that I love the world too much. I don't even allow any room for God.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever."

-1 John 2:15-17