My Jesus is alive!

You turn ashes into beauty
You are for me, not against me now
You found me somehow
You turn mourning into dancing
You turn weeping into a joyful noise
Oh rejoice!

I was dead in my sin
You came in
yeah

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanta shout (HEY!)
that Jesus has been sent
and everything is different.

Good Friday

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
Heirs with Christ

So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."

-Romans 8:1-17

Humanity has forgotten the meaning of the word "good." We have replaced it to mean watered down adjectives like "nice" or even worse, distorted the meaning of the word for our own purposes. In Genesis when God was creating Earth and all its inhabitants, he saw that "it was good." When He made Adam He said that he was "very good." In Hebrew "good" is "tov," is best translated to mean "functional," or "to serve a purpose." Good is the opposite of evil, and is made to please God because He is the founder of all things good. On "Good" Friday, Jesus died and paid the ultimate penalty to serve the purpose of reuniting humanity with Himself. It pained the Father to see Christ die, but it was for our good. Our good.

Today I was listening to the radio and the person said, "Today is good Friday, or as I like to say, good thing it's Friday because it's been a long week." I wanted to yell at her over the radio that "uh, no, you don't get to make this about you. Jesus died for you on the cross!" But Jesus was completely omitted and she made it about herself instead. But I do it too. I somehow find a way to make it about me. It was that way in Jesus' day and it's the same today. Oh what mercy has been granted me. I don't want to take this mercy for granted.

Picture This

Where my feet have been these past few months.


Washington D.C

National Gallery of Art, DC


Hatsuhana Japanese Restaurant, NY









































































Teaberry's for my 21st :)



























HOME

A Good Day

Today was a good day. It was full of music and friends, laughter and dreams. I went to see Kina Grannis at World Cafe Live and got to hear her beautiful voice sing stories of heartache and doubt, fear and love. She is lovely. One of her songs was about her desire to be a certain kind of person and about the struggle in understanding that it doesn't just happen, even if you go through the motions of being the person you want to be. For some reason it reminded me of The Blue Castle by Lucy Maud Montgomery (of Anne of Green Gables fame). In the book, the main character Valancy is afraid to be herself, and is surrounded by family that put her down and treat her like a vase about to be broken. She spends a lot of time in her imaginary blue castle, a place where she is loved and is free to be herself. It exists only in her daydream, but unforeseen circumstances help her to overcome her fear and she finds her blue castle. For Valancy, it is a tangible place, but it is also a symbol of hope for what's to come and an anchor of peace and all things beautiful. My ultimate 'blue castle' is heaven, where a room is being prepared for me by my heavenly Father. My future blue castle on earth though, is a home with my own family where I can love and be loved, and a place to worship and serve God together. I'm so excited for that. For now it remains a blue castle, but a girl can hope right? At the same time I know I need to be cautious not to let it become an idol or a romanticized version of reality. Relationships are tough I know. I wrote a little poem to try to capture what I was feeling today. I hope it's not too sappy haha. The poem is inspired by Montgomery's book and today's music, but somewhere along the way I inserted myself into it too.



My Blue Castle

Wrapped in misty veils atop a hill
sits the blue castle.
Her face peeks through the window,
curled toes and jasmine tea.
The pane is glazed with rain,
rain glazed with glints of light
from her blue castle.

She was afraid of something,
but she can’t remember what as she dreams of
blue castles where a room awaits
with a crackling fire and a whimsy smile.

Where did that scared child go,
of the pale face and fearful eyes,
wide awake but sleepwalking through life,
barely staying afloat?

Where did that scared child go,
of the vacant smile and downward gaze?
In her place is you,
and you’re beautiful.

I used to be a china doll,
porcelain skinned with shadows
etched beneath the glass.
If you hugged me I would break,
because I didn’t know how to live.

My love, you brought me to my blue castle,
held my hand and led me through the gate.
You hummed a tune and I fit in the curve of your arm,
and hummed along.
In my room are violets and bluebells,
tinkling chimes of laughter.
And I know I am home,
home at my blue castle.

It ended before it began

I ran a race on Saturday in Titusville on the D&R canal path. I didn't go into it with much confidence because it has been cold these days and I should have run more to prepare but lacked the motivation. Yes, even the anticipation of a race wasn't enough to motivate me to run long distances. But nevertheless I went, because I said I would. The starting horn blew and off we went, at first slowly because of the thick crowd, but eventually the bottleneck effect diminished and the pace became more steady. Focus on breathing, I kept telling myself. In through the nose out through the mouth to avoid cramps. Stay behind this girl, right behind her on her heels. Not to her side or halfway between side and behind. Directly behind. Don't waste energy on extraneous steps. Swing the arms back in forth, relaxed. The girl in front of me kept an even steely pace, and whether she eventually sped up or whether I slowed down, I'm not sure. I didn't stay with her, not because I was really that tired but because I figured I had enough distance left in the race to catch up eventually. So I decided to pace with the next girl after her. I wasn't clear how much distance had been covered already, but the end came faster than I had anticipated. And the girl I was pacing with sped up, but I figured I had time to catch her and was storing up my energy for the very last stretch. But what I didn't realize was that I was already in the middle of the last stretch. Shoot, is that the finish already? Why is there a crowd? Oh my gosh it's the finish! I quickly sped up because I had energy left, and I closed the gap between me and the girl in front of me, but it was too little too late. The fight ended before it had started. You're not supposed to have energy left at the end. You're supposed to expend it all in the final fight. Another 30 meters in the race and I could have caught up to her and passed her, I think. But it was over.

Prizes were awarded for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place of each age group, and the girl right in front of me ended up getting 3rd place for our age group (20-29). It could have been me. I was at once frustrated and annoyed, but it was my own fault. I tried to justify it, telling myself that it's no big deal. It's only a race, and there's always next year right? True. In life we're given a lot of second chances for each situation, but when it comes down to it, we only have one life on earth. I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that it wasn't a life well lived, a race raced without a clear purpose. I was so concentrated on getting the details down right that I forgot the bigger picture of racing for the prize. To do the best that I can do and not get bogged down by the trivial things. And what exactly does a good life, a good race look like?

1 Corinthians 9:26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.

1 Corinthians 9:25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

I believe that this training involves a lot of discipline, which I severely lack, and a lot of love, which I am in not great abundance of either. If I do, it's only through Christ and not by my own nature. And the prize, oh the prize! Run in such a way as to get the prize, the crown that would last forever. One that does not tarnish or collect dust like my old xc and track trophies, packed away in a shoebox in the back of the closet.

Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

I admit I haven't been testifying, fully attesting to the power of the gospel and how it has changed me in my own life. But I am so encouraged that at my weakest moments, despite my greatest efforts to thwart or disobey, or rebel against a God who loves me, nothing can separate me from Christ. I may be running at a crawl (okay, that's not really running haha), but I'm not lost on the wrong trail. The most important picture, an illuminated path, the gospel, is unchanging.