A Good Day

Today was a good day. It was full of music and friends, laughter and dreams. I went to see Kina Grannis at World Cafe Live and got to hear her beautiful voice sing stories of heartache and doubt, fear and love. She is lovely. One of her songs was about her desire to be a certain kind of person and about the struggle in understanding that it doesn't just happen, even if you go through the motions of being the person you want to be. For some reason it reminded me of The Blue Castle by Lucy Maud Montgomery (of Anne of Green Gables fame). In the book, the main character Valancy is afraid to be herself, and is surrounded by family that put her down and treat her like a vase about to be broken. She spends a lot of time in her imaginary blue castle, a place where she is loved and is free to be herself. It exists only in her daydream, but unforeseen circumstances help her to overcome her fear and she finds her blue castle. For Valancy, it is a tangible place, but it is also a symbol of hope for what's to come and an anchor of peace and all things beautiful. My ultimate 'blue castle' is heaven, where a room is being prepared for me by my heavenly Father. My future blue castle on earth though, is a home with my own family where I can love and be loved, and a place to worship and serve God together. I'm so excited for that. For now it remains a blue castle, but a girl can hope right? At the same time I know I need to be cautious not to let it become an idol or a romanticized version of reality. Relationships are tough I know. I wrote a little poem to try to capture what I was feeling today. I hope it's not too sappy haha. The poem is inspired by Montgomery's book and today's music, but somewhere along the way I inserted myself into it too.



My Blue Castle

Wrapped in misty veils atop a hill
sits the blue castle.
Her face peeks through the window,
curled toes and jasmine tea.
The pane is glazed with rain,
rain glazed with glints of light
from her blue castle.

She was afraid of something,
but she can’t remember what as she dreams of
blue castles where a room awaits
with a crackling fire and a whimsy smile.

Where did that scared child go,
of the pale face and fearful eyes,
wide awake but sleepwalking through life,
barely staying afloat?

Where did that scared child go,
of the vacant smile and downward gaze?
In her place is you,
and you’re beautiful.

I used to be a china doll,
porcelain skinned with shadows
etched beneath the glass.
If you hugged me I would break,
because I didn’t know how to live.

My love, you brought me to my blue castle,
held my hand and led me through the gate.
You hummed a tune and I fit in the curve of your arm,
and hummed along.
In my room are violets and bluebells,
tinkling chimes of laughter.
And I know I am home,
home at my blue castle.