My outer identity has always changed a little with each place that I move to. I have been all over the place, starting with West Virginia then Japan then California and finally New Jersey. Each time I moved I had to readjust, to face myself once more and ask the questions that everyone at one point has asked: Am I likeable, what are my strengths, and how do I make new friends? Even though my environments were always shifting however, one thing remained steady. My identity as a Christian and as a child of God has been with me through the years, and for that I am eternally grateful.
For my self-visualization project I want to do a mural representing all the sides of me. Humanity, I feel, is always unpredictable. We have our mood swings, our ups and downs. Even the kindest, most steady person, is not always that way. I can speak up for myself and wouldn’t call myself shy, but I have always been afraid of a lot of things and moving around has forced me to step outside my comfort zone. Childhood fears of water and clowns and my sister’s face hanging upside down on the monkey bars have evolved into something less tangible. I think that often I fear the future—what it holds and my role in life and in the lives of other people. I fear what others think of me, why I act the way I do sometimes. I know though, despite my doubts and misgivings, I am loved by the creator of the universe, which is an awesome thing.
I plan to do a four panel mural, each panel representing each place I have lived. Each panel will have a photo of me, simply standing, at each stage of my life (age 3, 8, 13, 18) looking out at the audience. There should be a gradual increase in height, showing that in each time period I am getting older, growing taller, loosing the baby fat you could say too. I want these photos to be obviously photos...something very real. Maybe they can be in black and white. Around the photo however, I will use photoshop to add buildings, food, events etc. I want many of the images however, to be personal photographs from that actual time. In this way it would actually be sort of an autobiography. Each panel would be specifically distinct from the other, but there will be a piece of string running through each panel, and on the string will be words, a Bible verse, that spans in width all four panels.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Photoshop Manipulation
My photoshop project, entitled "Spring," is a celebration of spring as we transition from winter, which is dark (the days are shorter too!) into sunlight and life from the seemingly hard, lifeless seeds. The copper lilly gradually transitions to a real lilly with green leaves. The x-ray looking seeds diminish in appearance, giving a sense of distance. The smallest x-ray seed is barely visible as it fades into something else, life, as light penetrates the darkness.
My Illustrater version is a contrast to the photoshop version in its colors while still managing to keep the same concept.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Self Portrait
Cui Xiuwen's recent series of work, entitled "Angels," portrays a young Chinese girl who is pregnant. Her face and body are repeated, sometimes a couple of times, sometimes multiplied to the point of frenzy, in each picture.
All of the faces are of the same girl and identical in their expression, muted and surreal. The repetition of the same face could either be that she is alone, or that she is one in a sea of nameless faces that have simply become a statistic or a burden to society. Her haircut is short and symmetrical with straight cut bangs, adding to the eery, robotic feel. She is ghostly pale, her white dress enhancing the effect. The only color comes from her pink stained eyes and mouth. Yet her eyes are unseeing because her eyes are closed, and she is left only with her sense of touch, arms outstretched. Or perhaps the hands signify a yearning for something to grasp on to or someone to hold. I do not think, that there is supposed to be a negative connotaion of the girl, but rather the situation that society has cast her in.
What disturbs me most are the rows of expressionless faces. If the girls are cast out of society or treated poorly, shouldn't there be some kind of sadness shown in the face? Every picture, save one, is of a girl or girls with her eyes closed. Her body is bent into all kinds of positions, from fetal to lying on the street to standing hunched over or to the side. She is almost like a puppet, bent to do the will of others. There is no shelter for her--she is always outside, next to the sky, walking in the ocean, or on a rooftop. The horizon is always in view a
nd the environment appears to be calm or serene. Yet inside that porcelein face is a battle raging. She has become so used it however that she has learned to hide it well.
I also noticed that in some of the pictures the perspective is off. The girl is strangely large in comparison to the building behind her. Maybe her situation was too big, too strange for society to handle...she is larger than the life that people have convinced themselves to be "normal" and because she does not fit into their schema, she is no longer accepted.
Cindy Sherman, like Cui Xiuwen, positions herself in interesting positions that give a special meaning to form and gesture. In most of her photos she chooses not to look at the camera, making the photo more realistic, as if she was completely immersed in her own world. While Cui Xiuwen's photos have very similar scenarios with the same face, Sherman manages to create totally different personas and narratives while using just one person: herself. Yet each photo seems com
pletely different in character and each character has a story to tell. The transition goes from housewife to goth to fairytale to tomboy to borderline psychotic. Many of Sherman's photos have dark lighting.
They evoke a kind of surrealism while other times...nostalgia. It as if the character is saddened by something and has fallen into darkness. Even when there is bright lighting, there is always shadow, and the light is often eerie green, yellows, or blues. There is always a backdrop that is always as important as the people in the photo. The props and surrounding provide vital information to the situation at hand. While Cui Xiuwen's buildings in the background have definite meaning, it requires one with preconceived knowledge about China's important historical buildings to understand their significance. I also think that while Cui Xiuwen is making a commentary about the role of women in China, it is one opinion she takes that she translates into every one of her "Angel" series. Sherman presents her photos from women of all walks of life. The women have expressions, the women are REAL. That's not to say that Cui Xiuwen's girl is a robot, but she represents a more generic outlook on how women are perceived. The two artists emit totally different feelings through their choice of style. I understand Cui Xiuwen's message and the girls are spooky in their unseeing eyes and chalk white skin. I find Sherman's work more intriguing however. It stirs in me something nostalgic...like the characters are l
onging for how something used to be...for another time that no longer is. Xiuwen's art is pristine and clean with even blood dripping cleanly and as a pure red. But in Sherman's photos she is not afraid to be soiled...to lie in the dirt with leaves and moss growing over her skin. It is more disturbing and makes me t
hink a little more because the art makes me a little uncomfortable.
Frida Kahlo uses a more different approach from Xiuwen and Sherman in that instead of using photography, she uses oil to paint herself. Xiuwen's model is very feminine, and Sherman emits a lot of sexual tension in her photos as well. Kahlo's self portraits however, do not follow either trend. Rather, her portrait leans torwards masculinity. The jaw line is set and stiff with a stubborn mouth. Her eyebrows (or should I saw unibrow?) are dark and thick, arching over her firm eyes. The photos of Frida Kahlo are of a small woman who yes, has a unibrow, but is undeniably feminine. Yet, her self portrait is how she sees herself. Unlike Xiuwen or Sherman's work, all of Kahlo's portraits make direct eye contact with the audience. In the piece on the right her head is turned slightly with her pupils focused on the viewer. It makes her look slightly suspicious. It makes me wonder what she should be suspicious about. What does she need to hide? What is her story? She is both aware of someone looking at her, yet she does not seem to fully care.
All of the faces are of the same girl and identical in their expression, muted and surreal. The repetition of the same face could either be that she is alone, or that she is one in a sea of nameless faces that have simply become a statistic or a burden to society. Her haircut is short and symmetrical with straight cut bangs, adding to the eery, robotic feel. She is ghostly pale, her white dress enhancing the effect. The only color comes from her pink stained eyes and mouth. Yet her eyes are unseeing because her eyes are closed, and she is left only with her sense of touch, arms outstretched. Or perhaps the hands signify a yearning for something to grasp on to or someone to hold. I do not think, that there is supposed to be a negative connotaion of the girl, but rather the situation that society has cast her in.What disturbs me most are the rows of expressionless faces. If the girls are cast out of society or treated poorly, shouldn't there be some kind of sadness shown in the face? Every picture, save one, is of a girl or girls with her eyes closed. Her body is bent into all kinds of positions, from fetal to lying on the street to standing hunched over or to the side. She is almost like a puppet, bent to do the will of others. There is no shelter for her--she is always outside, next to the sky, walking in the ocean, or on a rooftop. The horizon is always in view a
nd the environment appears to be calm or serene. Yet inside that porcelein face is a battle raging. She has become so used it however that she has learned to hide it well.I also noticed that in some of the pictures the perspective is off. The girl is strangely large in comparison to the building behind her. Maybe her situation was too big, too strange for society to handle...she is larger than the life that people have convinced themselves to be "normal" and because she does not fit into their schema, she is no longer accepted.
Cindy Sherman, like Cui Xiuwen, positions herself in interesting positions that give a special meaning to form and gesture. In most of her photos she chooses not to look at the camera, making the photo more realistic, as if she was completely immersed in her own world. While Cui Xiuwen's photos have very similar scenarios with the same face, Sherman manages to create totally different personas and narratives while using just one person: herself. Yet each photo seems com
pletely different in character and each character has a story to tell. The transition goes from housewife to goth to fairytale to tomboy to borderline psychotic. Many of Sherman's photos have dark lighting.They evoke a kind of surrealism while other times...nostalgia. It as if the character is saddened by something and has fallen into darkness. Even when there is bright lighting, there is always shadow, and the light is often eerie green, yellows, or blues. There is always a backdrop that is always as important as the people in the photo. The props and surrounding provide vital information to the situation at hand. While Cui Xiuwen's buildings in the background have definite meaning, it requires one with preconceived knowledge about China's important historical buildings to understand their significance. I also think that while Cui Xiuwen is making a commentary about the role of women in China, it is one opinion she takes that she translates into every one of her "Angel" series. Sherman presents her photos from women of all walks of life. The women have expressions, the women are REAL. That's not to say that Cui Xiuwen's girl is a robot, but she represents a more generic outlook on how women are perceived. The two artists emit totally different feelings through their choice of style. I understand Cui Xiuwen's message and the girls are spooky in their unseeing eyes and chalk white skin. I find Sherman's work more intriguing however. It stirs in me something nostalgic...like the characters are l
onging for how something used to be...for another time that no longer is. Xiuwen's art is pristine and clean with even blood dripping cleanly and as a pure red. But in Sherman's photos she is not afraid to be soiled...to lie in the dirt with leaves and moss growing over her skin. It is more disturbing and makes me t
hink a little more because the art makes me a little uncomfortable.Frida Kahlo uses a more different approach from Xiuwen and Sherman in that instead of using photography, she uses oil to paint herself. Xiuwen's model is very feminine, and Sherman emits a lot of sexual tension in her photos as well. Kahlo's self portraits however, do not follow either trend. Rather, her portrait leans torwards masculinity. The jaw line is set and stiff with a stubborn mouth. Her eyebrows (or should I saw unibrow?) are dark and thick, arching over her firm eyes. The photos of Frida Kahlo are of a small woman who yes, has a unibrow, but is undeniably feminine. Yet, her self portrait is how she sees herself. Unlike Xiuwen or Sherman's work, all of Kahlo's portraits make direct eye contact with the audience. In the piece on the right her head is turned slightly with her pupils focused on the viewer. It makes her look slightly suspicious. It makes me wonder what she should be suspicious about. What does she need to hide? What is her story? She is both aware of someone looking at her, yet she does not seem to fully care.
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